Hi, I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 22. I stay over at his flat during the weekends from Friday night and we have days out on Saturdays. On Sundays, he has a couple of his mates over and they watch a couple of football matches or other sports events on T.V. while I keep myself occupied with other things.
Having his mates round takes quite a bit of attention away from me so a couple of months ago when my boyfriend came into the bedroom where I was reading I grabbed him and started giving him oral sex. When he finished he went back to watching the sport with his mates. Eventually, it became a thing when they were all watching sport on a Sunday and at a certain point, my boyfriend would come to the bedroom where I would please him.
I was happy with this interaction and it gave us both something to talk about when his mates left. A month ago however both his mates walked in on us while I was being intimate with my boyfriend. I was embarrassed and stopped but my boyfriend continued and asked his friends to leave the room. They didn’t though and shortly after a few comments about having their turn my boyfriend started encouraging me to do it with them too. I wasn’t going to but they were persistent. Eventually, I gave in and ended up performing sexual acts on his two mates as well. It was okay and I found out later that my boyfriend had arranged for his mates to walk in on us as he wanted to see if he could get me to do it with them too so he could watch.
Now every Sunday my boyfriend comes to the bedroom and then lets his mates take a turn with me so he can watch. I’m getting more comfortable with it now and my boyfriend loves watching me doing this but a couple of times one of his mates has shown up at the flat on a Saturday morning. He says to borrow and return something and but wanted sex. I know this will continue for some time to come. I get on really well with my boyfriend in every other way and want to continue the relationship and this gives my boyfriend a lot of pleasure I am starting to enjoy it a bit more too but I will be in this situation for a long time. What should I do? Regards …….
Thank you for your question
Everyone’s relationship is different. Sex and experimenting are part of a healthy relationship but normally between 2 people only, with permission and consent. Performing sex acts with your boyfriend’s friends is not normal and certainly not the grounds for a respectful relationship, that will be long-lasting.
It is also concerning to hear you mention “ I am now comfortable with it “
Does that mean you were not comfortable with it before but you gave in because of peer pressure?
That is a red flag.
What is your idea of a Healthy relationship?
Personally, I think you need to distance yourself, reach out to friends and family, and not spend time as much with your boyfriend especially when his friends are there. Maybe speak to a professional. That may sound dramatic but you are in situations where they are going to expect something, even if you do not want to.
That is manipulation and coercive and a form of abuse. That is Not Ok. You may love your boyfriend but it is about having love for yourself first.
I hope that helps
Jacquie
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